First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
