Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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