dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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