His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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