Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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