So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
