i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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