We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
