Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
