You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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