Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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