Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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