Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
