If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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