Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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