idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
