listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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