he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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