Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
