i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
