I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
