i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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