don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
