this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
