just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
