I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
