they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
