Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
