i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
