I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
