I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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