Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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