I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
