my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
