The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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