i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
