Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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