My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
