yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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