Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
