took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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