Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
