JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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