She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
