I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
