I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
