I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
