Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
