What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
