Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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